This week’s first installment of “What Can Coaching Do?” examines the issues surrounding removing obstacles in taking that big first or next step toward our goals.
Things I hear my clients tell me most often are that they feel they aren’t able to take that first, or next step toward their desired goal due to a lack of direction, lack of discipline, or lack of inspiration to carry them forward. The only way for us to take that much needed step forward is to remove obstacles from our path. The most common obstacle that exists is fear. Fear takes on many forms, so identifying it as early as possible is the best way to ensure moving forward is not only possible, but assured.
It does not matter what the goal or desire is. If we think we need it, but don’t really want it, we’ll never get it. And no amount or combination of half measures will ever be enough to get you there. So we must be really invested in what we’re doing to make it happen. If we aren’t, it is incredibly easy to allow our fears to stand in our way. We find ourselves defending inaction more often than we defend our true passion, because our thinking is clouded by our innate fears.
The the fact is, we are all works in progress. As we grow and change over time, so might our motivations and desires. We have the option to change course if our point of view drastically changes, or we decide the goal is unrealistic, or simply decide that the goals previously set are no longer appropriate or even useful who we become over time.
The only real problem I find is fear in relation the choices we have to make in order to have what we want. And fear takes on many forms for people: fear of success, fear of failure, fear of judgement, fear of the unknown factors – the list can go on. As humans, our fears are natural. However, if examined and explored, they begin to lose their ability to rob us of our imagination and productivity.
When we make choices during uncertain times, we tend to do so from a place of desperation, or pressure to act quickly. Unfortunately, it is nearly impossible to make choices that are actually in our best interest when we do not make them with confidence. The key to making confident choices, no matter what the situation, is simply finding our center and clearly seeing the outcome of each choice before taking the action step. Facing our fears head on robs them of their power to stop us in our tracks or derail is from our chosen path.
My motto is “face the fear, and do it anyway”. I realized after years of fighting my fears, and ignoring my fears, and plowing through my fears, none of it working for me, that the only thing I hadn’t tried was to embrace my fears and learning from them. I found that it is totally okay to be afraid, as long as we keep going. When we face what we fear, we feel free. We liberate our true selves, and find depth of our character by examining our flaws. This is how true confidence is born, free of ego.
Every human being is different. Most of my clients are very relieved to have someone to voice themselves to without fear of judgement. But it can be a bit scary for some of us to reveal our true selves to strangers, as irrational as it may be. Helping clients relax so they feel comfortable speaking freely is my first priority. While neither of those tools are by any means a requirement, I offer all of my clients a guided meditation or Reiki Chakra balance during our coaching sessions to help them relax and clear their minds of distractions.
It is difficult at best to talk about what we fear, so becoming as relaxed as possible not only helps facilitate effective communication, but also saves time, ensuring my clients receive the best possible use of or time together.
Here are some questions I often ask:
When you find yourself in a new situation, what is the first thing you do? Are you apprehensive or do you just dive right in? What do you do to remain calm, or calm down, when confronted when an intense situation? What do you think the answers to those questions say about you? Are there things about your answers to the above questions you’d like to explore or understand better? What do you think is your biggest obstacle right now? What are your current options for action at this time?
In our next installment this week, we’ll explore some of the benefits of personal accountability. Stay tuned!
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