Hello, and welcome to today’s installment of What Can Coaching Do, where we will be discussing how we define success.
In many circles in the coaching and self-help communities, even just the mention of the word “failure” is a no-no, because the idea, in very general terms, is to always speak in positive ways, and avoid the use of toxic words and phrases. But what do we expect to review when a client comes up short of successful goal fulfillment? First, let’s look at what success means.
Is the completion of a goal the only measure of success? I say no. The only true failure, in my opinion, is when we do not choose to give our goals our best efforts and when we give up on our ability to be successful in our own minds.
Typically, when one of my clients is having a difficult time staying motivated, or have had their confidence shaken, or they find their endeavor to be far more difficult than first imagined, the first thing I do is ask them questions about how closely they followed their plan. I want to know if they feel as though what they are experiencing is a non-success or merely a set back, and ultimately, how they would like to move forward from there. Do they wish to review and revise their strategy, or will they decide that their goal may have simply been unrealistic?
I never tell any of my clients they can’t do something or achieve anything they desire, or whether I think something they want to do is unrealistic, as that is for them to decide. My opinion of what they want is sincerely irrelevant.
What IS relevant is if THEY believe it can be done, and are willing to take the action steps necessary to move forward. The action steps are the most important, because it is in the action steps that we find investment in loss and new opportunities to grow and expand our comfort zones. What seems unlikely today might be assured tomorrow, depending on our mindset.
Even the best laid plan, the most researched and analysed endeavor, has a chance of non-success. So what do we do when we see a client struggling? We look at the action steps. Whatever they have been using to move forward, we discuss together what could have been done differently, or what important steps may not have been utilized. We also must visit the true desire for the outcome. If interest had wandered away, this may be time to review priorities before the next step is taken.
Often when clients are impatient to get to their goal quickly, they’ll stray from their plan in an effort to save time, but this often leads to the opposite in the form of non-completion or significant delays. For this reason, I encourage long term goals with many short term support goals. These offer clients places to recognise and celebrate tangible results that reflect progress.
Even a small success is worthy of celebration. However, when we blow off or ignore an important action step, not only do we disrupt the flow of the plan, we rob ourselves of the opportunity to recognise success and progress.
Now then, is a non-success truly a failure? Is reaching a goal a success if the cost was higher than the yield? That really depends on what our definition of success is. As we grow and change, our priorities and what is important to us also change, the reasons for non-success are important to review. Let’s ask some more defined questions.
If we grow and change through the work we do in support of our goal, and realize we can use all that we’ve learned to support a completely different idea, and change course moving forward to another outcome, is the non-success of the previous goal a failure or more of a place card for goals better suited to our expanded potential?
If we work hard and stick to a plan through the end, and the goal is not reached, is that a failure or an opportunity to reformulate our strategy and an important realization of our character?
What we want matters. How we attain it also matters, because at the end of the day, we still have to live with all of our choices. I believe that the only true failure is the lack of effort due to fear and/or lack of confidence. If we abandon a goal because we are fearful of judgement, of success, of acceptance, or of failure, we will manifest those fears through lack of confidence in ourselves. In order to achieve success, the most important thing is to have enough confidence to never give up, to face the fear and move forward anyway.
Even if the goal is never realized, as long as we pick up and move forward, or continue to expand our comfort zones, we will always be successful at living life.
